My OTP Diary

After Lunch Sentiments

You see, that no matter how you carefully scrutinize people, there will always be permeable personalities. Just like alcohol in the body, that even if we have protection, the molecules that would make us drunk can get through. I don’t know, I’m not a ‘science’ person so I really can’t explain the analogy technically. The feeling that you know you are safe, eventually you find yourself at the most vulnerable situation ever.
I have been mingling with different personalities for the longest time I could ever recapitulate, but up to now I have never mastered knowing who’s true or not! I wonder if anyone had. But what drives your so called friends become the monsters in your nightmares… should I answer this? Nah, I don’t have the perfect answers. But of course, I wouldn’t part without even a single theory. I can’t be too specific at this time because the persons I am talking about are limited in proxemics. I wouldn’t want to see myself in a world warlike ambience. I still have in mind a friend’s usual description to such people "a devil in an angel’s face’. Well a flattering statement still because of the angel metaphor. Subjects I’m talking about are really devils in appearance… (bitchy!)
I admit that I’m sometimes bitchy. (Well some parts of me are—jam) But I have never tried creating varied personalities just to fit in. I am not a pleaser by nature maybe that’s the reason why I get plenty of detractors… but I can say that people who really look ‘into’ me could attest to how I really am as a friend, and as a person for that matter. When I speak, I can stand for it and I don’t sugar coat for conformity or to please, otherwise for civility. Its only now I had the chance to let loose… but the thin line between insecurity and ambition is becoming more vague. Relationships fail when people around you makes your world smaller and act like they are watchdogs for someone. For a moment I realized that ‘they’ should not bite the hands that feed them. Apparently, I am not ready to blind myself for a non-deserving personality. I just hope that people who are like ‘them’ would not feel too good about themselves, because their color is just as black as what they really have—nothing. I may be speaking on a broad perspective but I believe these thoughts should be expressed in this manner for now. Such situation is ephemeral, technically and philosophically. I would still smile when that time comes; ‘what comes around goes around’.
Presently I have so much in mind that confuses me a lot, I have so much energy to wear out, abundant idealism to burn up, much youth to abuse and so on… I know what I can do and that makes me more anxious to choose. Admittedly, some would raise their brows with prejudice but anything innate would exude in time without even trying. We’ll see who has the last laugh! Har! Har! Har!

"life is a winding road and i learned many things little ones should'nt know... as i close my eyes, steadied my feet on the ground, raised my head to the sky.. and as clouds roll by... still i feel like a child when i look at the moon... maybe i grew up a little too soon..."